Derby Friends

I think the thing I dislike the most about roller derby is that you can’t spit on the floor. How do you do a sport without spitting?

Luckily that is minor and overlookable.

I went out on the rink last Thursday, planning on getting a good hour in before a meeting I had to attend. It hit 95 degrees that day, but I figured it would be cooler at 6 pm. It wasn’t. That, combined with the fact that I had barely eaten all day made me quite pathetic on wheels. This was my first day of walking like an upright citizen once more, after hunching and stepping lightly using as few of my aching muscles as possible for about three days. This past post-boot camp week was hell. I wanted to keep skating but it really hurt, and I couldn’t even lift my foot do to a crossover. Last Thursday, I believe I lasted around 20 minutes, tops. But they say everything is for a reason, and perhaps my reason was to run into Mallory.

Mallory and her sister were just leaving the rink and we spoke for a moment about practicing together but neglected to exchange numbers. Much to my excitement, she found me on facebook and we decided to skate together on Saturday night. My first derby sister friend!

Upon reading my obnoxiously excited facebook posts about my newly formed derby obsession, a friend from undergrad messaged me. She used to skate with a woman on the BRRG, Maya Rulez. When I met Maya and brought up our mutual friend, she clapped her hands together exclaiming, “Dana and I were derby babies together!” When I skated with Mallory on Saturday, I kept thinking, someday we will talk about being derby babies! This was a very exciting prospect, mainly because, in my mind, when we are clapping our hands and remembering these weeks of hot summer night practices in Carrier Park, we will be formidable, in-shape bona-fucking-fide derby girls.

But we still have a way to go. My 20 minute practice on Thursday left me feeling lousy, out of shape, and down. I did all the self pep talks and took Friday off. Saturday, Mallory and I met at 7 and practiced everything we could remember. We compared boot camp experiences and I found I was not the only one about to pass out as the BRRG women skated circles around us. We practiced falling, getting up, skating fast, crossovers (she is the reigning queen) and taking breaks. It was one of the best times I have had out at Carrier. I get so bored and in my head when I practice alone.

And tonight, there were four! Delaney and Coco joined us and we had a hard, 1.5 hour workout. How fun is it to be goofy and learn from other beginner skaters! We critiqued each other (“Emily! DERBY STANCE!”); wove, and ran into, around water and gatorade bottles; compared equipment, spoke of our dream skates and how thankful we are for our knee gaskets. We tried out derby name ideas and traded tips. We were red faced and dripping sweat, turning left and right to call out the number of fingers Mallory’s boyfriend, Tensey, was holding up as he skated behind us (to practice focusing behind). We giggled and fell and slid I swear I had more fun than I have in some time.

Aside from getting into shape, I am unbelievably psyched to grow and work with a community of strong, awesome women. This weekend was a glimpse of what my summer is going to bring. Lots of sweat, bruises, and laughter. Red faces, empty water bottles, and broken laces.

I got home and was full of energy. I swept and mopped the house, cleaned the toilet, fed the dogs, did the dishes, took out the garbage and recycling and did a load of laundry. I felt content. Antioch instilled in me such a need for community, and everywhere I go I build one, person by person, friendship by friendship. This could be my best yet.

This post is dedicated to my best friend and the girl who inspired me every day to be a tough, bad ass lady. Bela, you are missed.

The Night After the Morning After

Holy shit. I thought getting back on the horse would help ease the pain from falling off the horse. Or whatever. I mean, I know I fell off the horse on purpose, but wouldn't the cure be the same?

I hobbled to the rink this hot and sweaty southern June night to get back on that proverbial horse. There was an older gentleman there with his grandson playing soccer, but they cleared out when I began my stretches. He sat on the bench and we chatted for a minute. He was excited to hear that I was going to try out for the BRRG team and told me, "If you're strong and you're tough, you'll make it." I am the latter, but still working on the former. And tonight? Not feeling so tough. It is hard to look like you are strong and/or tough when your thighs hate you.

Every crossover felt like my skates weighed 100 pounds. I tried to practice falling and got myself back up only due to the fact that the grandpa was watching. Otherwise I swear I would still be laying there.

After a while it felt a little bit easier, and I made myself push through it. That said, I was off the rink and out of my pads in under one minute when I saw lightening strike suddenly and the clouds began rolling in. I made it home just before the downpour, and just in time to comfort the shaking, panting pit bull and the old big brown dog pacing on three legs as I changed and made dinner.

My old husky/shepherd girl, bela, has a nerve tumor that is causing her muscles to waste away. She no longer uses her left front leg for anything and hops around like a large, hairy 85 pound bunny. When she goes from a laying position to a full down position on her side, she just kind of collapses due to her no longer having a trapezius muscle. You can hear her head hit the floor from any room in the house. It is heartbreaking, but she doesn't seem to mind, and aside from strapping a pillow to her head I am not sure how to help her.

That is how I sit down now. I go lower, lower, loooower, and WHUMP I collapse into the chair/bed/bench. No control, no grace. It hurts. I just begged my dear roommate to go get something for me just so I wouldn't have to repeat the whole unattractive scene again. Me and bela. The 105 year old and I.

And tonight I discovered by pure accident that I have been wearing my wrist guards backwards. This explains why I have bruises on my arms from where, when I practiced a full on-all-fours-fall, the guards were slamming into my skin. Check. Noted. Fixed. Think I am going to need new ones anyway...the rubber(?) is coming off from using them (albeit incorrectly) only one night.


I hope I sleep tonight. Tomorrow I am going to eat 25 bananas, I swear.

Boot Camp

It's the morning after. It's not as bad as I thought, but I still can't walk right. My thighs have been beaten. Candy said that the derby stance (low) would make it hard to sit on a toilet for awhile and, man, she was right. But it was amazing! The BRRG ladies demonstrated what we are going to have to do for the tryouts at the end of August, and then we had the opportunity to practice them and ask questions. Skating on all 8 wheels, falling on all fours, then landing on left knee and right knee, weaving, cutting, stepping, etc. I thought I might die. My legs were a puddle of jelly after an hour. I have so far to go but I plan to go there quickly. I could feel my body learning and adjusting as the boot camp progressed. I am going to be doing balance exercises while I brush my teeth, and calf exercises while I order my coffee.

I didn't sleep last night. I figured I would be out like a light, but I couldn't stop playing out the moves in my head, trying to make them familiar. Around 5 am I got up and ate a sandwich. I am going to have to ingest more calories for sure.

Heading out to Carrier park tonight. I can't wait.

PS: I love falling. Why is that?

PPS: As for names? I am leaning towards Shady Gaga. Also: Alpha RollHer and Em Fatale. But there is just so much you could do with a Lady Gaga reference....

Take 2

Tonight was my second time on skates in full pads in a public rink. The fact that I was about to skate again, paired with the news of Susie's Law being passed today, put a big smile on my face.

I walked up to the rink to find 3 boys chillin', ages 7-10ish. The brutal honesty of a youngun' scares me almost as much as my friend telling me today I spoke in a southern accent not only twice, but even when she asked me to repeat myself. I repeated myself IN a southern accent. How did this happen so quickly? Who am I?

But, I digress.

I approached the rink and the short kid with the chubby face asked me what I was going to do in the rink and, indeed, what the rink was even for. We cleared up that mystery and moved on to whether I would race them. Considering a) I suck and, b) it had recently rained and I was going to have to use whatever concentration I was not directing towards staying upright on avoiding puddles, I had to decline. I also told them about the fact that they may very well witness me falling on my ass (not in those words). I was so nervous and took my time suiting up. The little round-faced guy kept saying, "Are you ready yet?" When I told him, again, that I was not at all good at this he said -- get this -- "I bet you're really good." I melted. Into a puddle onto the rotten-smelling concrete floor. I repeated my original statement, to which he responded, "I bet you're good at everything you do." Seriously, folks. Where was he in high school when my guidance counselor told me I would never get into the colleges to which I was applying (ps, I did)?

I gingerly teetered out on the surface and began my "rounds". His big brother (?) decided to race with me. He kept panting, "you are so fast" and I had to remind him that I was on wheels. Oh, it was such a beautiful, cheeseball moment when I let him win.


The water on the rink surface made it difficult to do a lot, so I practiced my plow stops (I didn't wipe out this time, but I can definitely see where I need more muscles) and T-stops (I still go in circles). I worked on starting off fast, skating low, skating on one foot (I veer off to one side or the other), and the unfortunately dubbed "Tomahawk stop" (look it up). I don't even know what to practice yet, so I had fun making up my own drills.


I felt myself get more assured on skates, and learned the hard way what happens when you let go TOO much and hit something with your wheel (not pretty). And I tried little jumps over standing water from the late afternoon thunderstorms. Oh, le sigh, I loved it all. As the puddles dried in the evening heat I went around and around and around.

I can't wait until Friday to get out there again.

<3

The Derby Bug

So I knew of roller derby, but it concerned me little. No insurance, I thought, equals no hardcore sports. It existed in the same states and same social circles as I, but for some reason I shut it out. Did I know it would be an immediate addiction? Perhaps I was scared or perhaps I was just not ready.

After moving to Asheville, I attended a bout of the Blue Ridge Roller Girls. Nicole and Alexa patiently explained the sport to me from our suicide seats. I was hooked. I mean, seriously? How could anyone not be. First: Roller skates. Second: Agressive girls. Third: (I know, I know) Fishnets. Who could say no?

I could barely sit still in my seat I was so excited. I wanted it. Badly.

I went home and researched everything I could about derby. I signed up for the Fresh Meat email list so I would know the second they were having tryouts. I attended one more bout but found it difficult to be on the sidelines -- I couldn't wait to get out there. I approached a pretty girl holding a sign that said something like "Wanna be a rollergirl? Ask me how!" and tentatively asked her if they had had the Fresh Meat tryouts yet. Maybe the email had gone to my spam? Nope, not yet.

Months went by with no word on the tryouts. I wondered if they somehow knew I was out of shape and deleted my email from their list. I signed up again. I left a message on their Facebook page.

Then, I heard. Dates were announced. I began asking around about which skates were recommended, etc, and seriously begin to budget (as much as I ever do). Then a miracle happened in the name of a woman we'll just call Kathleen "KC" Cushing. A little note in my inbox stating "I want to get the skates for you as your early birthday present" changed everything. Someone believed in me! At first I said no...it is way too much money. And I still think it is. Then I thought, if ever there would be an impetus to get me moving, it is when someone spends money on me. The guilt of not using skates someone purchased for me, out of pure love, would propel my lazy ass around the track if nothing else would. And then several other incredible, generous ladies from my old Chicago community chipped in. Alycia, Dori, Leslie, and Regan. They ALL thought I could do this! I am still aghast.

My Riedell 165 Vixen's arrived today.